I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And then my night got REAL pukey
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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