My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
