so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
