I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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