i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
