Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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