its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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