Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
