Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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