I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
