you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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