My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
