True but thats because hes a fetus.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
