peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
