fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
