Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we're so committed to being not committed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
