Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Still dying that you shit outside
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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