if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
