one two three fourrrrnication!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
