My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
