no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
