New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
