I bet he comes in French.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
