Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
