Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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