Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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