I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
