Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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