You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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