He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
