A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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