I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
