whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
