you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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