yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
