I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
