i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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