puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
