if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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