Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
