i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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