I wish life had little blips of pornography
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
