but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
