Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
