yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
