I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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