thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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