Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
