Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
