Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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