forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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