I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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