I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
