sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
