Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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