Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
