I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
