Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
