Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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