he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
