My friends, they love my intelligence
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
