at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
