maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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