I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
