so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
