i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
