I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
