I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
