I think i peed on brittanys purse
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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