I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
