i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
