the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
