So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
