Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize