I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
