There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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