Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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