I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
