There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
