She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
