haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
