i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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