I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
